Pedants and Platitudes: Valentine’s Edition

"Remember to get your loved one something special this Valentine's Day." "Hey, Mister Ad Announcer, what if I don't have anyone?" "Sorry, Valentine's Day isn't meant for single people." "Oh good. So I don't have to celebrate it." "That's not true! Anyone can celebrate the day! What about your students? They deserve a Valentine's Day …

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A Guide to Self-Preservation*

The key to self-preservation is not to look at his azure eyes or his aquiline nose or his lips--hell, just don't look. Chewing your finger only solves half of the problem. Your mouth might be distracted, but your mind is still engaged. Doodling is rather preoccupying...You drew another heart, didn't you? Damn it, you did! …

Pedants and Platitudes: Christmas Edition

"It wouldn't be Christmas without snow." You heard it here first, Australia and any other place south of the Equator. You can't celebrate Christmas. You are snow-less and Christmas-less. Buh bye. "Christmas is a time to be with family and loved ones." I regret to inform all those children living in orphanages that you can't …